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Exploring Attachment Styles and How They Affect Adult Relationships



Do you want to know more about attachment types and adult relationships? If so, you've come to the right place! In this blog, we'll examine how different attachment styles impact our relationships and how understanding our attachment inclinations may facilitate the development of closer, more fulfilling connections with others.


In this article, we will explore the many attachment types, how they grow, and how they may both favourably and unfavourably affect interpersonal interactions. We'll also look at how knowing our attachment type might improve how we deal with relationships.


How Secure Attachment Style Affects Adult Relationships


Adults with stable attachment styles tend to have happier and healthier relationships. These people are more likely to be dependable, relaxed, and unafraid of getting close to others. Because they feel at ease depending on others, they are more inclined to look for and keep long-lasting partnerships.


Securely attached adults have more emotional control, communicate their wants and feelings without worrying about rejection, and view their relationships as trustworthy and dependable.

It, therefore, frequently results in longer-lasting, more stable, and secure personal relationships. People with these attachment styles also tend to be better perspective-takers, meaning they can see the relationship from each other's perspectives and deal with issues more successfully.


Attachment Theory


Psychology's attachment theory addresses the characteristics of a person's emotional connection. John Bowlby, a renowned psychoanalyst, claimed that the relationship between a newborn and its primary carer is crucial to psychological development. Following this view, the child's ability to establish healthy connections as an adult is impacted by the nature of this attachment.


According to attachment theory, a healthy relationship between a newborn and a carer is essential for the kid's psychological health and self-esteem and for giving the child a stable foundation from which to explore the outside world. The hypothesis also suggests that the disruption of a stable attachment may harm the child's development.

The Four Adult Attachment Styles

The four styles of attachment in adult relationships are:

  1. Anxious: also referred to as preoccupied, is characterized by a need for closeness and reassurance from the partner.

  2. Avoidant: also referred to as dismissive, is characterized by a need to maintain emotional distance from the partner.

  3. Disorganized: also feared-avoidant, is characterized by ambivalence and unpredictability in the relationship.

  4. Secure/Ambivalent: is characterized by a healthy balance of closeness and emotional distance.


These four attachment styles can help explain our or our partner's relationship behaviour. Below we go into greater detail to explain the styles seen within the four attachment types.


1. Anxious Attachment Style


Anxious attachment type in relationships is characterized by a need for frequent reassurance, excessive dependence on the partner, overly clingy and controlling behaviour, and a fear of abandonment. People with an anxious attachment type may have difficulty trusting their partner, setting boundaries, and being emotionally independent.


They typically struggle to control their emotions, leading to frequent jealous outbursts or excessive behaviour to cling to their lover. When their spouse is close, people with an anxious attachment type may feel more at ease, and when alone, they may feel furious or nervous. People with anxious attachment styles may be more prone to relationship problems and endure breakups with greater difficulty.


2. Avoidant Attachment Style


Fear of emotional closeness and intimacy characterizes avoidant attachment type in relationships. People with this attachment style tend to distance themselves from their partners, avoid eye contact, and suppress emotions. They are often preoccupied with their needs and interests and often lack empathy and understanding for their partner's feelings and needs.


They may also have difficulty trusting their partner and are likelier to engage in emotionally-detached behaviours. This attachment style can lead to unstable and unsatisfying relationships, as the lack of emotional connection can make it hard to create a strong and secure bond. If you or your partner display an avoidant attachment style, it is crucial to work on developing a secure attachment type to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

3. Disorganized Attachment Style


A disordered attachment type in relationships is characterized by chaos, unpredictability, and insecurity. Feelings of ambivalence, fear, and uncertainty are typical of this attachment style. This attachment type typically results in emotional exhaustion, and individuals with it may have trouble expressing their needs and feelings. They are often triggered by even the tiniest things, making it challenging to trust others or feel comfortable in their relationships.

Second, they could struggle with emotional regulation and regularly experience sudden shifts in feeling tremendously close and far away. Unorganized attachment styles can be challenging to manage since they typically point to deeper issues, including trauma, unresolved family issues, and other mental health issues. If you want to guarantee a healthy relationship, you must recognize and address these underlying issues.


4. Secure Attachment Style


An anxious-preoccupied attachment pattern characterizes secure attachment. People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style struggle to form close relationships with others, as they are caught between a fear of intimacy and rejection. This can lead to constantly feeling torn between wanting to be close to someone and fearing getting too close.

An example of this could be when their spouses are away or unavailable. They could find it difficult to trust and feel comfortable in their relationships and might suffer from severe separation anxiety. Additionally, they can struggle to articulate their needs and wants because they worry about being rejected or left behind.

As a result, they could be clinging or desperate or depend too much on their spouses. Secure attachment types can learn to develop healthy connections with the correct guidance and understanding.


Adult Attachment Styles & Relationship Configurations


Adult attachment types refer to how adults feel about and respond to intimate relationships. Research on adult attachment types has identified three primary attachment types:


  • Secure: adults are comfortable with intimacy and tend to have positive relationships.

  • Anxious: adults want closeness and connection but may experience anxiety or insecurity.

  • Avoidant: adults are uncomfortable with intimacy and can be distant in relationships.

Secure adults typically have the most successful relationships, while anxious adults may feel more anxious or insecure. Avoidant adults may be less successful in relationships due to their tendency to distance themselves from close relationships. Understanding adult attachment styles and relationship configurations can help individuals understand their relationship dynamics and make informed decisions.


Can I Change My Attachment Style?


Trying to alter your attachment style can be challenging but worthwhile. Start by reflecting on your past attachment experiences and noticing how they impacted your present attachment style.


After recognizing your style, it is important to know you are not alone and should be patient as you build on changing your habits. Be honest and trusting with people, conscious of how you express your emotions and be aware of how you respond to criticism or rejection.

Build your sense of self-worth and security by spending time with people who make you feel safe and accepted and by taking care of yourself. You may progressively alter your attachment style and build more fulfilling relationships with patience, practice, and commitment.

Our Conclusion


A better understanding of the attachment types can help you determine how healthy the relationship is and if there is room to improve communication and understanding. Having this type of insight into your own and your partner's attachment type can help create a mutually beneficial and rewarding relationship.


After reading this article, we hope you have found a better understanding. Remember that you or your partner do not need to meet a particular type fully. It should be taken in steps, understanding there is no straight path and no time limit.

If you would like more guidance, you can always reach out to a professionally trained counsellor. At Avery Therapy, we offer relationship & couples counselling or individual counselling to those seeking support.





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